Starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal - Love Story was made in 1970 -
shortly after sex was invented in the movies (but before the existence
of nipples).
This is number 9 on the American Film Institutes top romantic movies list of all time so I had high hopes.
Where do I begin? Any review of Love Story should probably start with THAT SONG but I'll come back to it.
And first, let us assassinate the female character. If we could have done so and thus hasten her demise, perhaps the whole thing would have been slightly more bearable to watch, because by the third act and the character had still not developed at all or done anything remotely interesting we were really really ready for the deathbed.
So, meet Jenny.
It's not easy to find an image of Jenny on the interwebs where she isn't draped on Preppy, or next to Preppy, or admiring Preppy from a distance. But there are at least 3 scenes in the film where Jenny gets some action on her own, although in each of those 3 scenes Jenny is being intensely observed by Preppy, so I'm not sure if it counts.
Firstly, the opening library scene. Jenny is at work, and hits on a customer by acting like a complete bitch.
Nice glasses Jenny! The glasses appear in this scene, and in the next solo(ish) scene, where she is playing a small interesting looking harpsichord ... and never again, although Jenny is often depicted reading.
Jenny
has several jobs during the course of the movie. She works in the
library. She is a camp counsellor. She teaches singing to children. All
of this working is purely for to get money. As soon as Preppy is
bringing home a paycheck large enough to pay rent and expensively furnish
an expensive apartment, Jenny is in the kitchen, where she should be.
Also, she runs, skips and hops everywhere. Just like Christopher Robin. Hoppity hoppity, hoppity, hoppity, hop!
Jenny loves Preppy because he puts up with her sass. And, presumably because he is good at hockey. And also because he isn't flabby. Jenny says only horrible things to Preppy, and this makes him love her passionately. I can report from personal experience that this tactic doesn't work in real life.
What is wrong with you Preppy? Why do you love bitchy Jenny so? Let us count the ways:
So, let us examine the rest of Preppy's character. He is immeasurably rich, which makes him angry. He expresses his anger by driving too fast and refusing to set foot in the Hall aka the family's legacy to Harvard, and Preppy's ticket to any qualification he desires. The only desires Preppy has for his own career inconveniently MATCH EXACTLY with what Sir desires for him, leading to a baffling kind of conflictless conflict, that becomes central to the plot because Preppy decides that the only way he can resolve this unconflict is by refusing any of Sir's money ever again. Poor Sir is confused. As are we.
Luckily for Preppy, Because is all the persuasion Jenny needs to give up her career, marry, work to put her man through college, and develop no further personal desires beyond the obvious: BABIES. Which brings us to the central plot arc and THAT AWFUL SONG. Like most things in life, it's better with Miss Piggy:
The first line in the script is: What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died? So we know she's gonna die, just not exactly how. I thought probably by car crash, but by the time we get to the doctor's office in the 3rd act we realise that the reason for the death is going to be medical. The doctor is cagey about what exactly is wrong with Jenny - but it's obvious to the audience, she has a bad case of gynecological earworm. Riddled with it!
The refrain, is played with many trills on piano all the way through the movie. I suppose it might have been OK in 1970 when nobody had heard it before. Now - it's cringingly awful.
There's only really one other thing to discuss about this movie - it's annoying tagline/soundbite. Probably this is the claim to fame that gets it on the best movies list, because there's nothing that best-ever-list-makers like more than non-sensical tripe.
Let's gloss over the fact that it uses that awful repeat-line plot device so beloved of Hollywood - where one character says something profound, to another character, and then the second character repeats it back to them later in the film after circumstances have changed. Love Story uses the repeat-line-pay-it-forward variation of this tactic: Jenny says the line to Preppy at the end of the second act, and Preppy repeats it to Sir as the final line in the script.
What the hell does it mean?
The best I can come up with is as a kind of denial of love. A person, who is supposed to love, apologises. The apologisee says: love means never having to say you're sorry - as a way of pointing out that if the first person really loved them, they would never have caused the situation that precipitated the apology in the first place. So in this case, "love" really means "loving".
This certainly seems to be how Preppy is using it with Sir at the end, and it's a pretty high fucking standard if you ask me.
The other way, and the way it seems to be used by Jenny the first time we hear it, it seems to mean: if you really love someone, you would forgive them anything. If you are loved, you never have to say you're sorry, as you will be automatically forgiven. So where "love" in this context, means "being loved".
Which I interpret as "love means being a noble martyred doormat".
Seriously, people? This is our standard of best ever romance?
In summary:
Bechdel test: There are two women in this movie, but they don't talk to each other
Repeat line: Used
Believable characters: None
Music: Earworm
Tears: OK a couple. What? I'm not made of stone!
Plot: Stuff happens
Star rating: 4/10
This is number 9 on the American Film Institutes top romantic movies list of all time so I had high hopes.
Where do I begin? Any review of Love Story should probably start with THAT SONG but I'll come back to it.
And first, let us assassinate the female character. If we could have done so and thus hasten her demise, perhaps the whole thing would have been slightly more bearable to watch, because by the third act and the character had still not developed at all or done anything remotely interesting we were really really ready for the deathbed.
So, meet Jenny.
It's not easy to find an image of Jenny on the interwebs where she isn't draped on Preppy, or next to Preppy, or admiring Preppy from a distance. But there are at least 3 scenes in the film where Jenny gets some action on her own, although in each of those 3 scenes Jenny is being intensely observed by Preppy, so I'm not sure if it counts.
Firstly, the opening library scene. Jenny is at work, and hits on a customer by acting like a complete bitch.
 |
| "I hate rich people in general, and you in particular. Now - fall in love with me." |
Nice glasses Jenny! The glasses appear in this scene, and in the next solo(ish) scene, where she is playing a small interesting looking harpsichord ... and never again, although Jenny is often depicted reading.
 |
| Jenny is happy because Preppy is clapping. |
Also, she runs, skips and hops everywhere. Just like Christopher Robin. Hoppity hoppity, hoppity, hoppity, hop!
Jenny loves Preppy because he puts up with her sass. And, presumably because he is good at hockey. And also because he isn't flabby. Jenny says only horrible things to Preppy, and this makes him love her passionately. I can report from personal experience that this tactic doesn't work in real life.
What is wrong with you Preppy? Why do you love bitchy Jenny so? Let us count the ways:
- Poor Preppy doesn't know anything about love, for he was raised by gold-plated popsicles called Sir and Never Addressed Directly. Therefore, bitchy emotional games make him go all woozy?
- Those eyebrows. I mean, they'd make anyone swoon, right? Imagine, it's a normal stressful school night and you're just trying to get access to a library book, and those eyebrows get raised critically at you behind the ridiculous glasses. Activate weak knees.
- She goes to his hockey games.
- I got nothing. WHY DOES HE LOVE HER SO?
So, let us examine the rest of Preppy's character. He is immeasurably rich, which makes him angry. He expresses his anger by driving too fast and refusing to set foot in the Hall aka the family's legacy to Harvard, and Preppy's ticket to any qualification he desires. The only desires Preppy has for his own career inconveniently MATCH EXACTLY with what Sir desires for him, leading to a baffling kind of conflictless conflict, that becomes central to the plot because Preppy decides that the only way he can resolve this unconflict is by refusing any of Sir's money ever again. Poor Sir is confused. As are we.
Luckily for Preppy, Because is all the persuasion Jenny needs to give up her career, marry, work to put her man through college, and develop no further personal desires beyond the obvious: BABIES. Which brings us to the central plot arc and THAT AWFUL SONG. Like most things in life, it's better with Miss Piggy:
The first line in the script is: What can you say about a 25-year-old girl who died? So we know she's gonna die, just not exactly how. I thought probably by car crash, but by the time we get to the doctor's office in the 3rd act we realise that the reason for the death is going to be medical. The doctor is cagey about what exactly is wrong with Jenny - but it's obvious to the audience, she has a bad case of gynecological earworm. Riddled with it!
The refrain, is played with many trills on piano all the way through the movie. I suppose it might have been OK in 1970 when nobody had heard it before. Now - it's cringingly awful.
There's only really one other thing to discuss about this movie - it's annoying tagline/soundbite. Probably this is the claim to fame that gets it on the best movies list, because there's nothing that best-ever-list-makers like more than non-sensical tripe.
Love means never having to say you're sorry.
Let's gloss over the fact that it uses that awful repeat-line plot device so beloved of Hollywood - where one character says something profound, to another character, and then the second character repeats it back to them later in the film after circumstances have changed. Love Story uses the repeat-line-pay-it-forward variation of this tactic: Jenny says the line to Preppy at the end of the second act, and Preppy repeats it to Sir as the final line in the script.
What the hell does it mean?
The best I can come up with is as a kind of denial of love. A person, who is supposed to love, apologises. The apologisee says: love means never having to say you're sorry - as a way of pointing out that if the first person really loved them, they would never have caused the situation that precipitated the apology in the first place. So in this case, "love" really means "loving".
This certainly seems to be how Preppy is using it with Sir at the end, and it's a pretty high fucking standard if you ask me.
The other way, and the way it seems to be used by Jenny the first time we hear it, it seems to mean: if you really love someone, you would forgive them anything. If you are loved, you never have to say you're sorry, as you will be automatically forgiven. So where "love" in this context, means "being loved".
Which I interpret as "love means being a noble martyred doormat".
Seriously, people? This is our standard of best ever romance?
In summary:
Bechdel test: There are two women in this movie, but they don't talk to each other
Repeat line: Used
Believable characters: None
Music: Earworm
Tears: OK a couple. What? I'm not made of stone!
Plot: Stuff happens
Star rating: 4/10
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